<p>Biding for time is a very useful tool in relationships. When used wisely, biding for time contributes to good communication. Biding for time is a conscious strategy that you employ intentionally. Biding for time is not procrastination, which is usually unconscious,and rarely employed wisely. Biding for time is not avoidance either.  Nor is it &#8220;turning away&#8221; as described by the Gottman&#8217;s in response to &#8220;bids for connection with your partner.&#8221;</

<p>Are you over-functioning or under-functioning in your relationships? Such fundamental imbalance leads to resentment on both sides, with couples accusing each other of being bossy or being passive-aggressive, respectively. One partner needs to step forward, and the other partner needs to step back. Discover how!</p>

<p>Imagine that someone has fallen into a deep pit.  Out of empathy, you jump into the pit too &#8211;  you are right in there with them.  You feel a heavy responsibility. You could even find being empathetic very troublesome.  </p> <p>On the other hand, if you were acting from compassion, you would see the person in the pit and reach out to them, encouraging and settling them &#8211; from outside of the pit.  You would be in the position to get assistance and make decisions

<p>The smoke and mirrors  &#8211; projection distorts. To illustrate projection, here is a story about two couples who met at a party. They discovered that they<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Years ago, when I had small children, I read about a business principle that made a lot of sense to me. Simply put, a manager was<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Why talk about parenting styles? Understanding your parenting style will increase trust between you and your partner, and avoid potential conflict in relationships.<br /> While you might have decided not to have children, have you found yourself with step-children? And nieces and nephews? Or grandchildren? The issue of parenting styles still arises.<br /> Parenting styles can be distilled into three attitudes: authoritative, authoritarian and permissive. Take the questionn

<p>She married you because you are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk?!  Why is it that being strong and silent isn&#8217;t enough?<br /> How did you learn that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness &#8211; for a man? But a sign of strength for a woman? Do you take for granted that women can speak, weep and express feelings? But that a man stands there, stoic and silent? No matter what his grief, shame or disappointment?</p>

<p>We all have the capacity to learn and to heal. But sometimes we need a catalyst to activate that healing. Sometimes we need only a small catalyst, and at other times we need a cataclysmic catalyst. This applies for the body, and it applies to our psychology. The need for a catalyst also applies to our relationships.</p>

<p>The aim of tennis is to keep the ball in play; an exciting rally only happens when both players keep the ball in play. So, it takes both players to create a good rally. In relationships, you need to keep the communication ball in play. The ball is the substance of the relationship, which must be kept in play by both parties, with both giving something. What if one player was really slack, and just dribbled the ball? No rally. As a result, the other could not show his brill

<p>Relationship I see many couples in my therapy practice. So, in my 75 years, I&#8217;ve gained a lot of experience in working with relationships.  People from<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Q: What questions are answered in Relationship Insights? Are all issues in relationship fixable? A: The Gottman’s claim that only 30% of problems in a relationship<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Intended readership &#8211; anyone in a committed relationship, or hoping to turn their relationship into a commitment. No gender bias &#8211;  the full rainbow. Though dealing with serious issues, each Insight can be read in 10 mins, and actioned immediately. The language is conversational and the examples given are contemporary. </p>

<p>Build good relationships through skilful relationship advice. Learn the secrets, principles and strategies that enable you to build healthy, happy, rewarding and lasting relationships. Set healthy boundaries and treat each other respectfully even when you disagree. Learn to love, and to love better.</p>

<p>Distraction during an argument can halt a regrettable escalation. We settle, regroup, and get the prefrontal cortex to run the show. An Uber driver in Melbourne has the console between the back seats filled with Tic Tac containers. When a couple are arguing during the drive, he says, “Open the console!” Laughter. Wow!</p> <p>It takes real presence of mind to know when you or your partner need a distraction during a fight. Learn to know when you are flipping your lid. Learn

<p>This website is all about change. Because you are here I acknowledge that you want to change &#8211; in yourself, and in your relationship. The Insights from the Relationship Doctor are instruments of change.<br /> Knowing the 6 stages of change can help you make change. From pre-contemplation, to contemplation, through determination to action, then winding back to relapse, finally arriving at commitment and maintenance.<br /> Maintenance is the evidence of your commitme

<p>Some everyday examples of how you filter your awareness happen like this. You&#8217;ve never noticed pregnant women before, but now that you are pregnant, you see so many pregnant women down the street!  Or you get a new car and lo and behold you can&#8217;t believe how many of that model you see on the road. Things which you now value and relate to were invisible before. Learn how your Reticular Activating System work in relationships. You can train your brain!</p>

<p>Making repairs, going back to tend to the dropped stitches/opportunities, is ALWAYS worthwhile, although it is harder the further back in the work they are. The sooner you spot the dropped stitches, the more accurately you name them, the earlier both you and your partner pick up the stitch, the sooner your relationship will be back knitting up a storm.</p> <p>It is truly disappointing when I have to spend a lot of time going back over my work to find the problem and correc

<p>Turbulence: A pilot I know recently flew into a storm.  Twice. No, not the same storm! Not the same flight, either. Not intentionally, of course.  As<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Conflict is like exercise, and both conflict and exercise lead to growth. Too much conflict and you and the relationship will be hobbling along, disabled by the conflict.  Not enough and you will stagnate. Just enough, and you will be growing, or at your &#8220;growth edge.&#8221; A well-managed exercise programme is like well-managed relationship conflict.  You will grow, and be better able to act when further exercise (or conflict) demands are on you.</p>

<p>I often do a much more extended version of Courageous Conversations when I work with couples, when the issues are much more deep-seated or complex.</p> <p>In my example in this post I’ve set the scene for approaching conflict with a friend, acquaintance or service provider rather than an intimate partner. Often it is easier to learn how to front up with a courageous conversation with someone you know less well. Then you can proceed with your partner in confidence that you