<p>So, there you are having a full-on fight. You each want to prove how wrong the other is. You each want the final, clever last word.<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>A happy ending depends on when you stop the story&#8230;. I am talking with a couple who have stayed together through good times and bad, including<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Many years ago I knew a bubbly, vivacious young woman. We were both at the same stage of life, preoccupied with raising children and forging workable<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

This Insight gives some of the finer points of staying present. What happens when the way your partner is speaking to you pushes all your...

<p>Prof Jordan Peterson says, &#8220;Don&#8217;t make the mistake of getting into a stupid relationship in the first place.&#8221; So, how to avoid those mistakes, and how<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>In this Insight, I focus on domestic violence between a couple. With self-isolation and lockdown for covid-a9, is it inevitable though regrettable, that domestic violence increases. <span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>When couples consult with me, I look to understand the cause of their relationship stress. Sometimes, there really isn&#8217;t a lot that needs changing &#8211; except their perpetual fatigue. Fatigue has devastating results for your relationship.</p>

<p>When I hear a couple trying to shout each other down, or shut each other down, the fundamental issue is that neither is feeling heard. The often unspoken plea is, “Just hear me out”. </p>

<p>Christmas holidays are destabilizing, because of the loss of routine and structure of ordinary life. The freedom of the holidays might feel good, but familiar comforts are not available. The gym is closed, and the cleaner is on holidays. Your favourite trades-people are on a long break, often for a whole month, so your usual acts of commerce, which provide both structure and interaction with others, are not available. Apart from not being able to toss off a few DIYs, you f

Texting is an important part of most peoples lives.  In Tennis anyone? Keeping the communication ball in play,  I give examples of how...

<p>Finally we get right to the heart of the sexual aspect of your relationship. How you keep sex alive will depend on your own individuality, as well as the individuality of your partner. And of course, how you combine that individuality.<br /> The next few Insights will focus on sexuality, so we will cover the subject fairly thoroughly. In this Insight you will be invited into self-inquiry. Self-knowledge is crucial for every aspect of relationship, and especially your sexua

<p>In another Insight, &#8220;How many serious ruptures&#8221; I summarised the basis for building trust as a couple.  </p> <p>Firstly, you consistently turn towards opportunities to connect with your partner. </p> <p>Secondly, you acknowledge and talk about any feelings of unhappiness with your partner. </p> <p>And thirdly, you consistently see your partner in a favourable light.  That is, you cultivate a benevolent perspective, where you interpret your partner kindly.</p> <

<p>When two people get together as a couple, they bring two completely different ideas of what things mean. Sorting out these meanings takes time. The differences<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Couples often ask how many serious ruptures does it take before their relationship is beyond repair. In other words, when is it time to give up? Clearly they are in despair.</p> <p>The answer to this is not straight forward, and here is an analogy to demonstrate the complexities of such a situation.</p> <p>Say you have a garden, with a patch of lawn/turf that gets a lot of traffic. (This is the vulnerable part of your relationship.) The kids take a shortcut on the way to t

<p>Your relationship is like your garden! What does it take to make your relationship or garden thrive? If you compare your relationship with others and aspire<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Self-regulation This Insight is about how to self-regulate, auto-regulate or de-escalate and self-soothe: both knitting and playing the ukulele are to do with soothing yourself, increasing<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>You use two different kinds of language: the language of commerce problem-solves, gives statistics, formulates policies and gets the plumbing fixed. But it doesn&#8217;t grow intimacy with your partner. You need the language of connection to carry the heavy and precious cargo of meaning, empathy, feeling and self-revelation.</p>

<p>How much is enough? Have you set limits and boundaries! Do you ask too much of yourself, or of your partner? Or of your family? Perhaps<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>It took me decades to work out the root cause of many miscommunications based on decision-making for a couple. When you are going through the decision-making process for yourself this does confusion does not arise. So it can be puzzling that something that is perfectly easy on your own becomes loaded with difficulty with your loved one. It’s about differences in decision-making styles. </p> <p>When you progress through decision-making stages very quickly, you might imagine

<p>Making good repairs, and celebrating them, is what brings the gold, a substance of high value, into your relationship. Also, making repairs with gold makes your relationship unique.  Furthermore, your relationship is more valuable than it was before the rupture and repair. Like kintsugi, making these fine repairs is an art, a craft and a skill.</p>