<p>Christmas holidays are destabilizing, because of the loss of routine and structure of ordinary life. The freedom of the holidays might feel good, but familiar comforts are not available. The gym is closed, and the cleaner is on holidays. Your favourite trades-people are on a long break, often for a whole month, so your usual acts of commerce, which provide both structure and interaction with others, are not available. Apart from not being able to toss off a few DIYs, you f

Texting is an important part of most peoples lives.  In Tennis anyone? Keeping the communication ball in play,  I give examples of how...

<p>Finally we get right to the heart of the sexual aspect of your relationship. How you keep sex alive will depend on your own individuality, as well as the individuality of your partner. And of course, how you combine that individuality.<br /> The next few Insights will focus on sexuality, so we will cover the subject fairly thoroughly. In this Insight you will be invited into self-inquiry. Self-knowledge is crucial for every aspect of relationship, and especially your sexua

<p>In another Insight, &#8220;How many serious ruptures&#8221; I summarised the basis for building trust as a couple.  </p> <p>Firstly, you consistently turn towards opportunities to connect with your partner. </p> <p>Secondly, you acknowledge and talk about any feelings of unhappiness with your partner. </p> <p>And thirdly, you consistently see your partner in a favourable light.  That is, you cultivate a benevolent perspective, where you interpret your partner kindly.</p> <

<p>When two people get together as a couple, they bring two completely different ideas of what things mean. Sorting out these meanings takes time. The differences<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Couples often ask how many serious ruptures does it take before their relationship is beyond repair. In other words, when is it time to give up? Clearly they are in despair.</p> <p>The answer to this is not straight forward, and here is an analogy to demonstrate the complexities of such a situation.</p> <p>Say you have a garden, with a patch of lawn/turf that gets a lot of traffic. (This is the vulnerable part of your relationship.) The kids take a shortcut on the way to t

<p>Your relationship is like your garden! What does it take to make your relationship or garden thrive? If you compare your relationship with others and aspire<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Self-regulation This Insight is about how to self-regulate, auto-regulate or de-escalate and self-soothe: both knitting and playing the ukulele are to do with soothing yourself, increasing<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>You use two different kinds of language: the language of commerce problem-solves, gives statistics, formulates policies and gets the plumbing fixed. But it doesn&#8217;t grow intimacy with your partner. You need the language of connection to carry the heavy and precious cargo of meaning, empathy, feeling and self-revelation.</p>

<p>How much is enough? Have you set limits and boundaries! Do you ask too much of yourself, or of your partner? Or of your family? Perhaps<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>It took me decades to work out the root cause of many miscommunications based on decision-making for a couple. When you are going through the decision-making process for yourself this does confusion does not arise. So it can be puzzling that something that is perfectly easy on your own becomes loaded with difficulty with your loved one. It’s about differences in decision-making styles. </p> <p>When you progress through decision-making stages very quickly, you might imagine

<p>Making good repairs, and celebrating them, is what brings the gold, a substance of high value, into your relationship. Also, making repairs with gold makes your relationship unique.  Furthermore, your relationship is more valuable than it was before the rupture and repair. Like kintsugi, making these fine repairs is an art, a craft and a skill.</p>

<p>Biding for time is a very useful tool in relationships. When used wisely, biding for time contributes to good communication. Biding for time is a conscious strategy that you employ intentionally. Biding for time is not procrastination, which is usually unconscious,and rarely employed wisely. Biding for time is not avoidance either.  Nor is it &#8220;turning away&#8221; as described by the Gottman&#8217;s in response to &#8220;bids for connection with your partner.&#8221;</

<p>Are you over-functioning or under-functioning in your relationships? Such fundamental imbalance leads to resentment on both sides, with couples accusing each other of being bossy or being passive-aggressive, respectively. One partner needs to step forward, and the other partner needs to step back. Discover how!</p>

<p>Imagine that someone has fallen into a deep pit.  Out of empathy, you jump into the pit too &#8211;  you are right in there with them.  You feel a heavy responsibility. You could even find being empathetic very troublesome.  </p> <p>On the other hand, if you were acting from compassion, you would see the person in the pit and reach out to them, encouraging and settling them &#8211; from outside of the pit.  You would be in the position to get assistance and make decisions

<p>The smoke and mirrors  &#8211; projection distorts. To illustrate projection, here is a story about two couples who met at a party. They discovered that they<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Years ago, when I had small children, I read about a business principle that made a lot of sense to me. Simply put, a manager was<span class="excerpt-hellip"> […]</span></p>

<p>Why talk about parenting styles? Understanding your parenting style will increase trust between you and your partner, and avoid potential conflict in relationships.<br /> While you might have decided not to have children, have you found yourself with step-children? And nieces and nephews? Or grandchildren? The issue of parenting styles still arises.<br /> Parenting styles can be distilled into three attitudes: authoritative, authoritarian and permissive. Take the questionn

<p>She married you because you are the strong silent type, and now she wants you to talk?!  Why is it that being strong and silent isn&#8217;t enough?<br /> How did you learn that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness &#8211; for a man? But a sign of strength for a woman? Do you take for granted that women can speak, weep and express feelings? But that a man stands there, stoic and silent? No matter what his grief, shame or disappointment?</p>

<p>We all have the capacity to learn and to heal. But sometimes we need a catalyst to activate that healing. Sometimes we need only a small catalyst, and at other times we need a cataclysmic catalyst. This applies for the body, and it applies to our psychology. The need for a catalyst also applies to our relationships.</p>